Peace of Mind is Beautiful
You can train your mind to be happy. It takes work. Not money
It is a learning process. I am still learning but I put this out here to be an example and for you to know you aren't alone.
So every year for the past three years, I bought a car and it broke down. I wait for income tax and buy a clunker. That may seem stupid to some, but I am a single mom, who had a stroke, been through hell and I don't have no money. Well I kept my clunker from last year. This year my friends found me a mechanic, called the two truck, and did pretty much everything. It has one more thing on it before it is fixed, but my car is running ya'll. They are amazing. I have no life skills. I just now got a life.
I went over to their house earlier. I took about three drops of rso oil. Medical marijuana. I took that much because my face started hurting from trigiminal neuraligia. (totally butchered that). Anyway its a chronic facial pain disorder, I will eventually write about. But yeah. I was sitting on my friends couch trying to pay attention to them. Trying to pay attention to the t.v. Trying to pay attention to me painting crazy shit all over there walls in my head, because they are white just like a blank canvas. All of this going on in my head. I started thinking that I needed my Tool. My music. One of the best things to calm my mind. I also desperately wanted to paint. So I looked at my friend and said will you please take me home. lol She drove her car. Her husband drove my car and long story short, I am so happy to be home. I think this maybe the first time in like three months I left my house. I get over there and freak out. Lord. Anyway, I am not sure if sleep will come, but I just wanted to write this while it was fresh. I still and probaly always will need to work on peace of mind. I feel like it was so easy to lose and go back to that mania. I didn't like that at all. I have worked so hard on organizing my thoughts and getting out what I am feeling, but I am doing that on my own. So, i tried to talk myself out of it, but to no avail. I tried to explain how I felt and my friend is a great listener. I felt like I was in therapy with them so it was kinda good, but I don't like feeling vunerable so I tend to just shutup. Weed makes everything come out. EVERYTHING. A lot did come out and I am just glad she is understanding. They both are. I write this so you know you aren't alone. I think we are so used to being the strong ones that it is hard to let someone help you every once in a while. They have helped me so much. I am going to try to sleep now. Till laters. GOODNIGHTSSSSSSSS
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AuthorMy name is Tera. After not living my whole life, I decided I wanted to live and have fun and to make other people happy. That is my goal. To spread love. LIGHT LOVE HOPE Its never too late to love. Archives
December 2020
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