Peace of Mind is Beautiful
You can train your mind to be happy. It takes work. Not money
It is a learning process. I am still learning but I put this out here to be an example and for you to know you aren't alone.
Am I retarded Jesus? I used to think, maybe there was something wrong with me. In my head I had a battle. A war. It was horrible. I couldn't sleep at all. The thoughts of my husband beating me or of my daughter dying or of the stroke...It plagued my mind. Sometimes all the thoughts would mix and become jumbled along with all the worries of being a poor adult with kids. How am I going to pay this, why the fuck does my daughter hate me, how am I going to buy food. Not having a car. I had no room for light or love, You have to make room for that and I didn't know. I didn't know that after a good emotional purge, that I would feel so good, not only mentally, but if you pay attention your body also relaxes. Remember crying yourself to sleep as a kid. I didn't remember a lot of my childhood, But somehow all of those memories are opening up. They aren't great lol at all. I had a horrible childhood. But I allow myself to remember those memories and it makes me sad. I cry hard. Like I cry myself asleep for the little girl who couldn't. For the teenager who was mad and who I see in my daughter. I cry for those unresolved issues. I cry for my dad who was a good but broken man. I cry for my daughter I lost, I cry for my baby boy I lost, I cry for the domestic violence, I cry for the stroke, I cry for the life that was stolen from me, But I am making one now. I fucking purge my emotions and then I am able to live. I am able to paint and write. I am able to find things that I love to do. I am able to have room for love. On facebook, I added allllllllllll the Tool fans I could find. I know we are broken. I know we are fucked up people who "Normal" people find weird. I know we hurt. I cry for you. I think I love to cry now. But I am going to do it whenever I feel the need so I can fill up my head with light and hope,l love and mischief and mother fucking fun. I don't care who wants to judge me, go ahead. Normies can judge me all they want. FOR I AM NOT A SLAVE anymore. I am not a slave to my past. I am not a slave to my fears, I dont have many. I am not a slave to being the same. I am not a slave to wearing the same shoes as everyone else or acting like everyone else to fit in and it still happens as an adult. If you think you aren't, you aren't looking closer. You have to work to make a living. You go everyday, Tired and frustrated and mad and anxious. Question your existence. Get mad at your family because YOU are stessed out. You barely make it. You barely can keep food on the table. The first step to becoming free is to ( I think and I damn sure aint no professional) is to purge all those emotions, not just once, or twice, but everytime you feel it. Every fucking time, If possible. If not, PUt it away until you get to your purging space. Mine is my room. Let yourself cry a deep deep cleansing cry. Note how it makes you feel after you have thrown yourself an adult sized temper tantrum. RELAX, clear your mind and let in the good for once. YOu will probably sleep. Good for the first time in a while. We are very emotional beings. If you allow emotions to build up they stagnate just like anything else in your body you may have too much of. Like for me fat. My emotions built up so much I believe it made my ass huge. YOu may laugh cause I damn sure did, but I think Its true. I know one damn thing, It builds up as stress. It kills. I had that damn stroke, I know. It tried to get me. All my facebook friends, I love you all. I see myself in every mad one of you. Try this a couple of times, Allow yourself to feel like a gotdamned nut. Go down your own rabbit hole. Everytime you come out, You come out better. Good luck. Also this is from my own experience. If you crazy crazy, like maybe seek someone who you trust to be there with you. I though for a long time that I was a bad human. I thought I was crazy. I also thought for a while that I may be capable of hurting someone or myself. After doing this for years, I know my base is good and I am not scared of myself anymore. Ok GG ttyl GOODBYES. If you a facebook friend, leave a comment if I have that on there, If not tell me if you liked this post on facebook. ok TTYLS GOODBYES HAVE A GREAT DAY AND PURGE........safely.
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AuthorMy name is Tera. After not living my whole life, I decided I wanted to live and have fun and to make other people happy. That is my goal. To spread love. LIGHT LOVE HOPE Its never too late to love. Archives
December 2020
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