Peace of Mind is Beautiful
You can train your mind to be happy. It takes work. Not money
It is a learning process. I am still learning but I put this out here to be an example and for you to know you aren't alone.
I give because I love. I have always wanted to love. I am weak and young. I just want someone to love me. I just want someone to care. I want to be held like other girls.
I've never been loved. What is it like? What is it like to look at someone and have time halt. To be able to look at a person forever. To be able to want a person forever. To love one person forever. I want that. I so desperately want that. I want to be happy. And there you are. Tall, dark and hansome. ( now I think he looks like the devil himself). Have you come to save me? Will you take me away? Me and you. Alone. I really don't know you. Who are you? From a different world. One that perhaps is tougher than where I come from. Tougher in different ways. Hard, and sense you're a man, It must have been really rough from there. I had no idea. I had no idea how hurt you are. You're tormented. You're sick and somehow I am the enemy. Why? What did I do to make you hate me? You're scared. You're scared I am going to leave. You're scared that you aren't good enough. You,re scared that without fear I couldn't even begin to respect you. You have to hurt me so that I know you're the boss. You throw around your testosterone like a wild animal. You make sure eveyone else sees you in the best possible light because you are scared. YOU ARE TERRIFIED OF THE WORLD. You call yourself a christian?! You know you have problems yet you ignore them and beat me. You beat me to keep me. You beat me to make me know that I am insignificant. That I am not important, That there is noone out there that will help me. Maybe there is. SO you make sure I don.t have a way to get help. You take all of my things. You make sure I am completely dependant on you and you're money. You make sure I am terrified to come out of the room. I have to cook or you will get mad. I have to come out every once in a while. I'll be good. I promise. I will stare at the floor so that you know I don't like your brother. I will ignore him so that he thinks I am the bad guy. I will do as you say. I will cook, I will clean, I will take your beatings, because afterwards, I will have a little peace, because you feel bad about what you did. I accept your apology because I am weak. and because I want someone to love me. I want someone to hold me. I need someone to love me. I need to be seen with someone so the world thinks I am not a loser. I need you. I love you. I hate you. I want you dead. You look stupid. I hate your face. I will fuck you because I am terrified of you. I let you rape me because I am terrified of you and because I don't love myself. I need you. I love you. I hate you. I hope you fucking die. No I don't want you to die. I want you to finish living in your own miserable head while I sit here and heal. I realize now that you were sick. That you are mentally insane. That you will always live in hell because you won't ever accept that you are not as great as you made yourself out to be. I feel sorry for you. I really feel sorry for you. I think that if you live in anger, thats what your afterlife is going to be. Youre own personal hell from this world following you into the next, unless you feel this shit. Unless you learn how to be comfortable with your own shit. I am comfortable. I am not sad. Sorry this got so dark, but isn't that life. It will be dark as hell if you let it. It will be hell if you let it. Don't let it. Get out, struggle struggle struggle until one day you are so greatful that things happened the way they did. You look back and think, I am so glad to be here. I am at that point. I am exstatic to be at this point in my life. Car broke down, Don't leave my house ever. It's ok. I am here because this is where I am supposed to be. One day, I will look back on this and say, woa I'm glad I am here and not there. Anyway. That started and I had to finish it. You get to read this straight from my head. Until laterz....toooooooootaaaaaaalooooooooooooo
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AuthorMy name is Tera. After not living my whole life, I decided I wanted to live and have fun and to make other people happy. That is my goal. To spread love. LIGHT LOVE HOPE Its never too late to love. Archives
December 2020
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